Have you ever been at a point in your life where you felt that nothing was going right simply because everyone was against you? As irrational as that may seem, the way the feeling is explained by some who felt that way is that it seems that while others around them got a break or two for doing wrong things, they never seem to qualify for a break. One boy said< "that really hurts; it hurts a lot".
The thing is that, unless one has the capacity to empathize with that feeling, there could very easily be the thought that boys who act out because they feel that everyone is against them, are just weaklings who are incapable of coping with the contours of life. They do not have what it takes to survive and that is their problem. Have you ever dismissed someone's behaviour even though you did not know what caused it? I think a lot of us do just that. How often do we take the time to ask the appropriate questions that could better inform our thinking and hence our responses?
I believe that we can all agree that there are people who do not know why they never get breaks. Getting a break is for most people a bid deal. Imagine you were speeding, got stopped by the police who proceeded to walk back to the police vehicle with the seeming intention to write up a ticket. As he returned, you heard, "I'm giving you a break this time, but be careful to drive at the speed limit". Wouldn't your fast beating heart slow down and you breathe a sigh of relief? You can share a positive story with your family and friends, and you would think nicely of the officer. You see, unlike many things, getting a break is a bid deal and when there are those who never seem to have that kind of experience, it can be very frustrating and feel like, "everybody is against them".
I've come across scores of boys who tell me that they don't understand why they always seem to be on the wrong side of authorities, be they parents or teachers, and worse yet, the police. As a school principal, I relished the opportunity to give a child who seemed to be constantly "in trouble" a break. Very often such children took the act of forgiveness as a launching point to exhibit better behaviour. It brings me to the other point of this discussion, the act of forgiveness. To forgive is to take the sting out of any unpleasant experience. Forgiveness benefits both the person receiving forgiveness and the person giving it. Both persons receive a measure of wellness. And to forgive is not letting someone get away with wrong. What is does really is giving the offender a path to wholeness.
What I am saying is that we must invest in forgiveness more than we do condemning. Let's give our boys hope that things will get better. Give them a break here and there. After all, they are in construction and if you realize a construction site, it's really very messy during the building stage. But, when the building is finished, when everything is cleaned up, what a marvelous sight!
There is marvel within our boys. The construction state is often messy, but, let's understand the process and work with them. Stand where they stand. Sit where they sit. Listen to them and hear them out. They have marvelous designs within them. Now it's left for us to lead out those wonderful designs. Let's do it for them and for us.
Until next time. For more ideas to help us train our boy, get a copy of my blueprint for success book: DEFEATING THE ENEMY TO YOUR SUCCESS — How to Break Through to a Life of Wealth Creation and Freedom. Get your copy, now!